The Day I Decided to Stop Comparing Myself to Others
Table of contents
The Silent, Endless “Comparison Game”
For most of my life, I was playing a game without ever realizing I’d signed up. I call it the “Comparison Game.” The contestants were every woman I saw—on the street, in magazines, and most relentlessly, on my social media feed. The judge was the harshest one I know: me.
The rules of this game were unspoken but brutally simple: measure every part of yourself against them. Her hair, her skin, her body, her career, her seemingly effortless life. The outcome was always the same: a quiet, draining feeling of being ‘less than.’ It was a constant source of anxiety, a game I was guaranteed to lose every single day, yet one I couldn’t seem to stop playing.
There was no lightning strike or dramatic rock bottom. There was just a single, quiet moment of clarity. A moment I realized the only way to win this impossible game was to stop playing altogether. This is the story of that day.
The Turning Point: A Reflection in a Dark Screen
The moment of decision was unremarkable, which is perhaps why it was so profound. I was sitting with my morning coffee, scrolling through my phone. I paused on a photo of an influencer on a pristine beach, her life looking like a sun-drenched dream. I felt that familiar, dull ache in my stomach—a toxic cocktail of admiration and envy.
I put my phone down, and in the dark, reflective screen, I caught my own reflection. I looked exhausted. Not tired from a lack of sleep, but a deep, soul-level tired. And in that quiet moment, a thought surfaced, clear as a bell:
‘Her path is not my path. Her body is not my body. And my joy will not be found in wishing for hers.’
Right then, I decided. I wasn’t going to wait until I felt “good enough” to stop comparing. I was going to stop comparing in order to finally start feeling good enough. The decision had to come first.
The First Steps to Unplugging from the Matrix
That decision was followed by immediate, tangible action. It was a declaration of a new way of living.
Step 1: I Performed a “Joyful Mute”
That same day, I went through my social media feeds and muted or unfollowed every single account that consistently triggered the Comparison Game. This wasn’t an act of anger or judgment towards those people; it was an act of profound self-preservation for my own mental health. I was curating my digital world to be a sanctuary, not a battleground.
Step 2: I Started “Evidence Collecting” for Myself
Instead of saving images of other people’s successes, I started a small note on my phone to “collect evidence” of my own. It was a list of small, good things: a kind email from a colleague, a moment I felt strong during a walk, a day my skin felt calm and happy after sticking to my skincare routine, a book I finished. I was actively training my brain to see the value in my own life, not just in others’.
Step 3: I Flipped the Switch from Envy to Inspiration
This was the hardest, but most important, mindset shift. When I saw a woman I admired, I made a conscious effort to silence the “I wish I were her” voice and activate the “She inspires me to…” voice. “Her discipline inspires me to be consistent with my goals.” “Her confidence reminds me to stand a little taller.” This simple tweak turned moments of potential self-criticism into moments of personal motivation.
The Quiet, Beautiful Freedom of Your Own Lane
The change wasn’t instant, but slowly, a quiet space began to open up in my mind. All the mental and emotional energy I had been leaking into comparison started to pool back into my own life. There was more room for my own thoughts, my own goals, my own joy. It was a profound release from a self-imposed prison.
The decision to stop comparing yourself to others is one you make every day. It’s a gentle, loving practice of bringing your focus back home to yourself, again and again.
Your journey is not their journey. Your body is not their body. Your beauty was never, ever meant to be a competition. It is a statement, and it is yours and yours alone.
